Whered’ he go?

Hi-vis vests. They’re brill! They’re designed to be extra glowy like one of those highlighter pens so that the wearer can be seen. And they do what it says on the tin. Or, rather, vest. I thought they were worn for safety reasons originally, which sounds like a good and sensible idea.

However, now it seems everyone wears glowy vests so that you can spot them, rather than for safety reasons – policemen, parking attendants, stewards, window cleaners, dustmen, road sweepers, council officials with clipboards, lollipop ladies, council gardeners, petty criminals doing community service, dog walkers, dogs…

The trouble is, so many people are wearing hi-vis vests now that people without them are becoming a minority and you can’t actually see the person you’re after because they’re lost in a sea of glowy yellow or orange!

I reckon they should invent hats with flashy beacons on, or jackets with in-built telescopic flag poles that project automatically from the shoulders upon the press of a secret button.