“Me time” – Usually accompanied by doing quotation marks in the air with fingers.
24 nit pick
Well, it’s a bit complicated. but this terrorist wanted to blow someone up who was in hospital. So he gets into the building wearing a bomb vest, but he’s sussed by the good guys and they transmit a blocking signal so he can’t explodipate himself with its trigger. Should have been a wired system mate – much more reliable. Anyway, …
Wank word!
Mission-critical.
BB’s Shit List, Pt.3
Calling it a ‘near miss’ when two aeroplanes nearly hit each other. No, they did miss. It should be called a ‘near hit’. Any twat that wears a baseball cap. Especially back-to-front. And with tracky bottoms on. Posers that wear sunglasses indoors. Or wear them on the top of their heads. Cunts! Pricks who say ‘my bad’. What kind of …
24 nit pick
So, after his miraculous recovery from being stabbed in the stomach last week (which in 24 time is about 15 minutes ago), Jack finds himself in the hands of the Russian arms dealers. They hang him up by his wrists to a water pipe and start torturing him by repeatedly sticking electrodes in the knife wound he sustained a few …
Extras
Have you noticed how many shops now offer you ‘extras’ when you take your goods to the till? For example, today I went into WH Smiths for the Beano, March’s edition of Razzle, the Chronicle of the 20th Century and a copy of the latest Janet & John adventure. I piled my purchases on the checkout counter, the lady takes …
BB’s Shit List, Pt.2
Folk singers who stick their fingers in their ears. Get a proper P.A. system with foldback speakers, for fuck’s sake. People who wear trainers and tracky bottoms whilst having no intentions of visiting a gym or doing anything remotely sporty. Ever. Pool and snooker players that wiggle their middle fingers whilst queueing up. That’s all of ’em, basically. All Facebook …
24 nit pick
Well, Jack was right, as usual. That psycho bird who he said was unstable did in fact flip and stabbed the baddy – the only lead they had, by the way (what’s the chances of that happening on 24?) – about twenty times with a six-inch blade. When good ol’ Jack tried to stop her, she gave him some too, …
Fiddler on the street
I was walking past a bookshop in Wales last week and spotted this mannequin sitting outside on the street. We all know that the Taffs are renowned for their sheep-shagging abilities, but it seems as though this fellow was being used to advertise some other form of sexual gratification. Strange race, the Welsh!
Valentine’s day
Pah! I got one, so I felt obliged to give one back. I hope she appreciates it. It cost me 50p.